Taking a writing break and tinychat with some old friends <3 hahaha let the trolling begin!
(via sara-vawn)
although I told him I didn’t want him to get involved, and that I’ve been hurt and broken ever since… He still hasn’t realized that I would actually feel okay, if only he asked How I was doing.
And here’s the truth,
Towards the end of my first semester in college, I was on campus late and was suppose to stay the night in my friend’s room but they already passed out. While I was sitting in the lobby and my friend’s roommate was just there as well. I specifically remember him eating jimmy john’s trying to get rid of his buzz. Being the person that I am, I was just talking having fun and getting to know him. We had a conversation about my friend and how this girl wanted to get with my friend that night, so the “roommate” asked me to run over to his door and knock on it just to get his attention and asking if the girl was going to stay for the night. My friend got rid of her and by then it was already 3 in the morning. I was already too tired to drive back home. So I asked my friend and the roommate if I could stay with them. Being nice they said yes, it was kind of silly actually because they offered to sleep on the floor or sleep in one bed together just so it wouldn’t make things awkward with me. They really are great guys. I stayed in the lower bunk with the roommate, I didn’t see anything wrong with that I had no intentions of doing anything with him, I just officially met the guy. A couple hours passed and I can tell it was a little weird for me but I was slowly falling asleep until he kissed me, but I kissed him back too. I had no idea why, looking back it was just “in the moment” he asked to see me again and not let it be just a one night thing. Like I said, the first night he and I only kissed. At the time, I had assumed he was single the only explanation he would ever ask such a thing. So I said, “yes, that would be nice.” Days passed and one evening I wanted to watch tv since my friend was leaving for dinner, his roommate was there and he introduced me to the show “Community” it was fun, I eventually worked up the nerve to show him the hickey he left. He even question if he had actually did that. I thought it was funny, eventually that night he and I had sex and nights after that. We kept it casual, no strings attached. Before thanksgiving break, he drunked called me at 5 in the morning telling me the truth that he had a girl back home. I honestly felt like the worst person alive and thinking back I still feel like the worst person alive. He said he understood if I thought poorly of him and would never talk to him again but I’m not that type of person to judge someone because of their actions especially if I was a part of it. We had promised to remain friends and talk whenever but his girlfriend had to ask me the truth through his facebook and from then on my life was living hell for an entire month and a half all throughout winter break. I almost couldn’t bare the thought that I was an unintentional homewrecker. Some friends helped me cope by saying homewreckers are just another problem, it depends on the couple to work it out. Eventually I removed all contact with him, to make his girlfriend happy. I never wanted be the reason why a relationship would end. It took me a while to get use to not talking to him because even though I told him we could just be friends after all of that, there was a part of me that actually liked him but I couldn’t do that to myself or the girlfriend. She said she didn’t want to hold a grudge any longer and that we had both fell for a bad guy from then on it was over and done with. I accepted what happened and moved on so let it be known, I don’t care who knows about my past, just as long as my future is able to accept me for who I am and who I was.
omg one of my favorite songs :) decent amount of notes hehe
(Source: sara-vawn)
I saw him today,
boy do we both look different.
it’s crazy I had all these moments were we could have spoken to each other,
but nothing. not a word. maybe exchanged looks for milli-seconds.
Regardless.
I do miss him.
still, to this day.
After all we’ve been through, after all I’ve been through, some how for some reason… I would still take you back in a heartbeat.
It’s become one of my fears, something I’m holding back. Our friendship, our relationship, our drama after that. All happened way too fast. I’m afraid to say it ruined what could have been in the future. Maybe we could have been better friends? Now we’re just people who don’t acknowledge each other. I can’t face him or stare in his direction without wanting to shed a tear. A simple Hi or welcome hug, it’s on my “IMPOSSIBLE” to do list. metaphorically speaking I have one of those. When I saw him that day arriving to our friend’s open house… there’s no doubt in the back of my mind, I automatically could not look at him the same. I really wish I don’t have to beat myself up about it, or avoid him the way I do. He still is a nice guy and a kid growing up. No matter what people say about him ruining my life… I honestly think it’s the other way around. Now, I wouldn’t feel so terrible if we could just talk it out. Make sure everything’s okay between us. It honestly would make life better for me. But it’s never going to happen, we’re never going to be okay, we’re forever going to be strangers now.
